Things my immigrant mother taught me.
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From my immigrant mother there evolved a philosophy that influenced and guided her adjustment to living her new life in America. This philosophy became a family legacy which trickled down to her family members to follow. It was a simple outlook for letting go of her homeland, Italy, and embracing her new land, America.
When she arrived, my mother was a twelve-year-old girl who had left behind everything familiar and personal: friendships, many from her close family, and her native language. Now she found herself facing life in a strange land without close friends, deprived of the language she knew, and not able to rely on many familiar things for her comfort and security.
Later she told her family that instead of feeling overwhelmed and wanting to cry herself to sleep, she decided that this change had to be successful. Since America was now her new home, and she was not returning home to Italy where life was comfortable and familiar, failure was not an option for her and her family.
With that clear in her mind, she had to find a way to help her mother, father, and two siblings to make this new life work. Once everyone understood and realized this, they then needed a strategy to make it work.
My mom decided what they needed to do was shrink this new world. What she meant was not trying to do everything at once by reducing this new life into manageable pieces they all could handle.
First, everyone had to have the same attitude. They could not turn inward feeling sorry for what they left behind or blaming God for putting them in this strange new place. This self-pity only wastes time and energy and blocks clear thinking.
Instead of asking the question, “Why is this happening to me?” The question needed to be: “Now that this has happened, how do I, how do we make it work?” Asking this question was shrinking their new world enabling them to do something in each new situation.
From this discovery my mom made her list of the things she could do, such as: learn the language, make new friends, and learn about her new country. By shrinking her world, my mom made it manageable and she gradually adjusted. She learned the language, made new friends, and slowly became comfortable in her new surroundings and home.
Later she taught her three children this same wisdom. She said, “Never waste time or energy wondering why something happened to you.” She added, “Ask yourself instead: ‘How can I get out of this situation now that it happened.’” Her insight helped my sisters and I to shrink our world, guide our growth, and move us through many new and strange situations.
Years later I can say my mom’s wisdom moved me from many moments of darkness. Instead of: “Why did this happen to me?” her understanding provided the light needed to see a viable what’s next moment. My mom always said, “And don’t forget to pray to the Holy Spirit. It’s his mission to assist us.”
Now that’s a great combination. My mom’s wisdom and the Holy Spirit’s inspiration. Using this wisdom from my immigrant mother, and the Holy Spirit’s inspirational tugs, can move us all far along on our journey and bring us where we need to go.
Try shrinking your world. It worked for my mother, my sisters, and me. It can work for you too!
Passing Through, Antonio Masi, artist
