“He is really comfortable in his own skin.”  I hear that statement said about certain people and often wonder if everyone who uses it has the same meaning.  I understand it to say, “This person knows who he or she is, both the good and the bad sides, and then finds the courage to be the best version of him or herself that they can be.”

Someone once said: “We are as healthy and whole as we are open and honest with ourselves and with others, and we are as sick as we are secretive about ourselves.”  I think what they are pointing out is the fact that our persons are like a coin: heads on one side and tails on the other. Both sides complete the coin.

Admitting to both the shiny bright side and the stark dark side and becoming comfortable with both equally produces integrity, being who we say we are, and honesty, living who we say we are.  With the added incentive of trying always to be the best version of who we are.

Integrity and honesty are strong foundational pillars for persons comfortable in their own skin. When folks say, “Steve is a good person.”  Perhaps, what they are really saying is: “Steve seems to be a good person who knows his demons and battles them.” 

In truth, like all of us, Steve never really conquers these demons, as they arise from his weaknesses and failings.  They are always working to destroy anything wholesome and sound, such as Steve’s admired likeable images. 

Over the years Steve has learned to handle these vulnerable aspects of his person and not pretend them away.  He shares them openly when the moments to do so are evident. Appropriately, sharing his weak and human side, his fears, and shortcomings, are usually such a relief to his acquaintances and friends freeing them to share their true selves.  It is as if the “edited and abridged” person becomes the “what you see is what you get person.”

Remember the young man who approached Jesus and asked:  “Teacher what good must I do to gain eternal life?”  Jesus answered: “If you wish to enter into life, keep the commandments.”  And when he asked which ones, Jesus simply answered, “All of them.”  Then Jesus replied: “If you are serious about this, go and sell all you have and follow me.”

Maybe Jesus was hinting that anyone who builds a relationship on less than honesty and integrity is building a relationship on sand.  Such a relationship will weaken and collapse because neither is getting any benefits. It lacks solid nourishment.

Like us, the young man has a choice, either go away sad, or follow Jesus and courageously wrestle with each of life’s steps with honesty, openness, and integrity.  The Holy Spirit is there to help us.  He has the gifts, the energy, and the desire to make us   comfortable in our own skin, which means we never have to walk away sad.

(Clipper Ship Painting by Bill Keech, OSFS)